There are some questions that women entrepreneurs ask that men entrepreneurs would never even consider thinking about. One of the key questions I hear from the women entrepreneurs I work with is: "Am I in control or just controlling?"

The idea that as a CEO, she might be too controlling weighs heavy on her mind. Why?

One reason is that in order to launch a business, a woman MUST convince everyone she knows that she is up to the task. In doing this, she often MUST state that she has explored her business concept from every angle and is completely knowledgeable about every aspect of her business model. This belief that it is possible to be prepared when starting a business for every potential bump in the road is, in my experience, more concerning to women than men. Men typically believe that they can 'wing it' or as I often hear said "fake it until they make it." When I suggest to a female client that she "fake it until she makes it' the reaction is almost always one of fear and "I will not risk my reputation by pretending to know what I don't know."

On the other hand, when I have a women client who is in control of her business she worries about being seen as controlling rather than competent. It is as if women don't believe they can be in control without being controlling. I hope the women entrepreneurs reading this blog are shaking their hands YES -- that's me! I get it! What I don't get is how to change it!

Here's an example for my readers who watch Shark Tank - Barbara Corcoran. She is no shrinking violet. She gives as good, if not better, than she gets on the program - particularly when all the other sharks are men. Watch how the men behave when Barbara makes an offer. Typically they will respond with some phrase that insists Barbara is trying to control the entrepreneur rather than the deal. (Controlling the deal is the point of making the offer). The response to Mr. Wonderful, Kevin O'Leary, is very different as he is seen as someone who is taking advantage of the entrepreneur's need for investment not the entrepreneur him or herself. There is a very big difference and although it is subtle on Shark Tank it is not as subtle in many workplaces.

Women entrepreneurs are often desperate to be seen as in control and not controlling. Every survey released on whether employees prefer male bosses or female bosses mentions the poor impression controlling women bosses make on the satisfaction scale. Controlling women are bad - at home or in the workplace.

However, what I have experienced, as a business coach, is that the majority of women who believe they are controlling are really just in control. They know how to make decisions. They know how to lead a team. They know how to develop a business strategy and execute it. They know how to maneuver the reins of their business and they aren't afraid to keep moving forward. These are all qualities of people in control of the situation - not controlling the situation.

Bosses who micromanage every task or refuse others to do the job required without running every detail by them are controlling. If this is you your need to control every situation will never lead you to success in business. Controlling people lose the opportunity to allow others to raise the bar in different areas of the business. Controlling people have only 24 hours a day and 7 days a week to be in control and they waste the talents and time of others in the organization who can scale the business.

Every woman in business and woman entrepreneur must ask herself: Am I in control or controlling? and find comfort with the answer. If the answer is in control - you are a leader and on your way to success.

If the answer is controlling - only you can change how you manage and work with others and the time for change is now.

Whichever it is, please make sure you never allow another person - co-worker, spouse, employee, client, customer, vendor, or media - to be the judge.