In business, and life, it doesn't take long to learn that it isn't always what you say that matters, it is what is heard. Women in business need to pay attention to this more than men because every word we say is dissected differently due to our sex. If you don't believe me that read on.

For generations the He Said She Said debate has gone on due to the fact that men and women don't speak the same language. Seriously, we don't! There is no question that women say "I'm sorry" more often than men. Think about everything you have said yourself today. How often did you say "I'm sorry"? Perhaps, "I'm sorry to bother you- is this a good time to talk?" or "I'm sorry, can I help you?" or "I'm sorry, do you know the time?" or "I'm sorry, do you know how to get to....?" Yes, women say I'm sorry more often than men. But, I say SO WHAT!

The fact that most women have been brought up to be more thoughtful and respectful should not mean that they are less able to be serious and, yes, fearless in business. "I'm sorry" is just one of the mannerly phrases most women were taught to say as children. The others such as "excuse me" or "do you have a moment to talk with me" are phrases men use just as often as women.

But, it is not just a matter of how women use a few phrases more often than men in business and in life, it is about the way women tend to be more emotional in their language. For example, I have recent experience with several women clients where a piece of bad news was accompanied by praise---better said preamble of praise. For example: "Thank you so much for the extra effort you have given to the company...it is because of you we are still in business....BUT.......(the bad news)."

The fact is, as I tell my women clients, there is no good way to express bad news. The best way is like taking off a child's bandage....as quickly and purposely as possible. The accolades don't matter at all as most of us just want to hear the truth. You aren't cushioning a terrible blow by puffing up the situation. In fact, I've learned from experience, that any puffing up only complicates the situation and makes staff unclear as to the message.

My advice to women, and men, in business is to be as clear as possible. Leave the emotion for moments of celebration or, God forbid, terminal situations. If you have, what you consider to be bad news, just say it as clearly as possible. And, do it in person, not in a company email. Then ALWAYS, offer to talk one-on-one with anyone who has a concern or issue with the message.

Leadership is all about clarity of mission and purpose. People, (employees, friends and family), will stick by you as long as you let them know clearly what is happening and why. Followers look to their leaders to show them the way and language matters. Of course, clear language without clear actions complicates situations also. But that lesson is for another blog.

The simple phrase 'say what you mean and mean what you say' is a skill that every woman entrepreneur and woman in business must adopt. Too many wannabe leaders say things they truly don't mean and then take alternative action. For example, how often do you use the phrase "Let's have lunch soon"? Now, how often do you actually mean you want to have lunch with that person? This may seem like a silly example, but every time you do something like this it hurts your credibility. Leaders are nothing without their credibility.

So, although many men have just as much trouble as women with using clear language - think almost every politician you know - the goal of this blog is to stress the importance of clarity. There is nothing wrong with being sorry in situations or offering thanks. But, if these phrases are in every statement you make as a leader your message most likely is being lost.

I'm sure you remember the famous line Jack Nicholson, as Colonel Nathan Jessep, uttered in the movie "A Few Good Men", YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. The fact is people can handle the truth and it is your job to be clearly state it.